It’s the end of May, so what better time of year to talk about Santa Claus. Few people know this, but Santa Claus was originally a shaman during ancient times, the son of a Sami woman and a Germanic invader. He achieved great power through the use of psychoactive plants, a skill he learned from his mother. Neither he nor his mother were accepted by the Germanic invaders, and he was always an outcast among the newcomers. He always eyed with suspicion and anger the way the newcomers treated their children. He made himself a defender of the children. But whenever the people saw him, they drove him away. They accused him of terrible things. He lived in the remote and icy areas, where he still lives today. At times, he was thought of as a god. At others, as a man of perversions and dark activities. His knowledge of entheogens allows his psychic presence to be transmitted far and wide. He continues to live on the edges of civilization where he can do his work with little interference. For those who encounter him, he is a source not of merry-making and joy, but of fear.
There is a silly belief among many that a person’s hair and fingernails continue to grow after death. It is patently not true. However, it has been scientifically proven that corpses continue to have the ability to shed tears and often do profusely. These lacrimis mortuorum were highly prized by women of the Roman patrician classes as they were said to have cosmetic properties for preserving a youthful appearance when applied to the face in a mixture with white lead and wolf’s excrement or the bile of a lion. In early Christianity, disciples of St. John Elafina collected tears from the flayed corpse before wild boars tore it to shreds. The tears were preserved in a golden vial at the Church of St. John Elafina in Greek Macedonia. Local women, upon learning they were pregnant, would have the priest insert the vial into their vaginas to insure happiness for their child. In Lapland, the Sami collected the postmortem tears of their shamans. These they would mix with reindeer blood and freeze. Successor shamans would then consume the icy-mixture on the night of the winter solstice. They claimed the ability to fly over the aurora borealis with the spirit of the passed shaman and the reindeer. More than likely, this is where the European legend of Santa Claus or Father Christmas originated.